It’s Sunday night, my to-do list is done, tomorrow is a holiday, and I’m bored to death. What to do? What to do? I’ve got it…..blog (smile). Time for a diversionary post. Time to talk about something that I actually understand and that would be communication styles. This does involve talking, listening, and watching so please put your thumbs away (smile).
My training involves working with what is called the DISC system. There are a lot of programs out there that are actually using this same model but they will assign different names to the personality (communication) styles. What they do have in common is that they recognize four distinct personalities and the ways that these folks typically prefer to communicate with others. But, I get ahead of myself. Let’s first set the stage.
There are likely folks out there that you just connect with right away. You understand each other implicitly and have common interests. You are made for each other. However, there are other folks that are the exact opposite. You do not even seem to speak the same language and probably have no intention of enjoying each others’ company. Then there are those people who are in between. Finally, you have also met folks where the conversation has started off just great only to disintegrate before your very eyes. What is up with that? (smile)
As said previously, the DISC system recognizes four distinct personalities. They are: The Dominator, The Inducer, The Stabilizer, and The Conformer. It is extremely rare that any one person will be controlled by just one of these personality types. That being said, each of us tends to have a preferred style, that aspect which tends to be dominant. However, as we are made up of various degrees of maybe even all four of these personalities, other less dominant styles will often come to the surface and be displayed to those, and by those, we are communicating with. Hence, the good conversation that might suddenly go bad. But, it does not have to. This brings us to developing the ability to flex our communication styles.
Lets take this a step further. I am, by trade, a sales person. As such, it is incumbent on me to do whatever I can to make sure that my message to my customer is clearly understood and accepted. That task is my responsibility. It is not the other way around. After all, I’ve got plenty of my own product. I’d like somebody to take some of it off my hands. These days….anybody (smile).
In future posts, we will talk more about each of the four personalities, how to identify them, what motivates them, what pisses them off (smile), and what they respond to. How best to communicate with them. The language of love (smile). For now, please take a look at the diagram below and we will dicuss the most simple of these skills to master.
Style Flexing involves identifying, and adjusting to, communication styles that we are presented with at any given time. We talk about this in terms of two key aspects: pace (fast or slow) and orientation (task or relationship). Pace is used to describe how the other person is communicating. Are their speech and action patterns fast or slow? Simple as that. Dominators and Inducers tend to move at a rapid pace. Stabilizers and Conformers at a much slower pace. Orientation describes basically what the conversation is about. Is it task or business related or is it oriented toward relationship topics? You know……..people stuff (smile). Inducers and Stabilizers tend to be more people persons while Dominators and Conformers prefer to stay on task. So, here we go……….
Fast & Task……………..? Dominator. Slow & Relationship…………? Stabilizer. Pretty simple, eh? Note the way the quadrant is laid out. Those styles in opposite corners are not just there by chance. They really are opposites. A Stabilizer will prefer to discuss relationships in a leisurely manner. The Dominator will wish to leave the room (smile). Unless, and this depends on the roles that each of you play, somebody flexes their style in order to get in line with the other. In this example, if the responsibility lies with the Stabilizer, he or she will need to pick up the pace and concentrate on discussing the task in order to achieve maximum effectiveness with the Dominator. Style flexing is all about matching your target person in terms of their desired pace and orientation. The result. Beautiful music (smile). That’s it. For now, that is all there is to this.
Going back to myself, as a sales person I am going to do my very best to adapt my communication style to the preferred style of my prospect. If I don’t, I’ll starve (smile). And, I need to stay on my toes because I can just about guarantee you that my prospect is going to flip styles on me at some point and I am going to have to adapt again. This involves all of the senses: listening, watching, and speaking. Try doing that with your crackberry (smile).
There, feel better now. BTW…. I do weddings and barmitzvahs (smile). Thanks for visiting!
Craig
